Mildly Frustrated

Last weekend, I had a breakdown. I still couldn't get into my bridesmaid dress after three weeks of changing it up. I was eating less calories and worked out 3 times during the week! So, I went out on our deck and just told my roomies that I was done. "My body doesn't want to lose anymore weight!" Abby, my very optimistic, always looks on the good side, said, "JANCI YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP! You need a personal trainer to push you!" "How will I pay for that and when do I have the time," I replied.
That is when Abby volunteered to get up early three mornings a week and workout with me. We have been fast walking, jogging and then running small parts. Abby has no mercy on me! I come back soaked with sweat. I even worked out on my own on the days we didn't work out together. I have continued eating less calories.

BUT

I don't see any changes in my body!!

 I am completely frustrated!!

My weight hasn't gone down, and I can't tell that I have lost any inches. I feel like I have just reached a point where my body is holding on to this junk and wont let go.
However, I am not giving up! I am just going to keep pushing through. But to be perfectly honest, I don't feel like doing it. Sometimes when we are jogging and its getting really hard, I say to myself, "You CAN do this, You WILL do this" over and over until I get to the part where I can fast walk.
Something that also helps besides that saying is, that I pray before we start that God gives me the strength to do it. That He will wake me up and help push me out the door. And He has been faithfully showing up. I know that He is giving me the energy on those days, especially when I have to work both my jobs.
So here its is Labor Day Monday and since I wasn't here this morning, we are going to go walk the bridge. God will definitely be helping me on this one, cause that bridge is no walk in the park.
Please be praying that I shed the few inches I need to fit in that dress but also that I will continue exercising and working on losing more weight.

"I CAN DO THIS...I WILL DO THIS"

Cooper River Bridge Run April 2, 2011
If I can do that, then I certainly can go the rest of the way!

August 27th...7 whole months...

Preface - My thoughts are somewhat jumbled, I apologize and hope you can follow. Also, please ignore any spelling or grammatical errors.

Wow! Tomorrow it will have been 7 months since I last posted on here....Time for some brutal honesty! My last post I was weighing in at 201-202, here it is 7 months later and I am weighing at 212. I have gained 10 lbs back since leaving the Metabolic Medical Center.

There were several factors in going "rogue". I decided to switch over to Weight Watchers because I just couldn't deny myself fruit. So, I joined WW online, I would still be accountable for keeping an eye on what I ate & still weigh in once a week.  I thought that it would still keep me accountable especially since I didn't have time for the weekly meetings.
Well, WW lasted all of three months and really I think I only stuck to it for 2 months. Once I allowed fruits in, then I allowed myself starches (mainly wheat pasta, and brown rice) but after that it went down hill. Not down hill in the since that I went crazy but I was allowing myself too much freedom in what I was eating. Thus the 10lb weight gain.

Seven weeks ago, I got a nice wake up call, I couldn't get my bridesmaid dress completely zipped. I about panicked. What had I done?? I was so mad at myself. So, my sister Frannie told me about this app she downloaded on her phone and had been using. She had already lost 6 lbs. Its called myfitnesspal. It keeps up with your calories, water and exercise. Its pretty cool. I have been using it now for three weeks. Its definitely a cheaper route then WW, because several months ago, I decided I wasn't sinking money into WW when I wasn't using it. And the app is very easy to use and has a pretty big data base.

Anyways, I am now four weeks away and am really freaking cause I don't know that I have lost any weight. I have been watching what I eat and trying to get in at least 3 workouts a week but with me working 2 jobs some mornings I am just too tired!

What it all really boils down to is that I am tired...not just physically but emotionally. I am tired of this struggle with my weight. Craving food, trying to use it to fill me up instead of craving God and filling up on Him.
So much has happened in the last month, but from a heart wrenching event in a close friend's life, God has gotten my attention. I got angry at Him, screamed at Him, actually talked to Him more than I have in a long time. And am now running back to Him instead of away, filling myself with His words instead of food. I am back in the body of believers worshipping and learning about Him on Sundays. Everyday is a choice to put Him first, some days I fail and slip into my old ways. Relying on myself instead of Him, but I know that He is ever faithful and He is calling me to Him, and He has victory over Satan.
Below is Psalm 61 and most people know that this is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I hope it encourages you...

¹ Hear my cry, O God;
   listen to my prayer.
 ² From the ends of the earth I call to you,

   lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
³ For you have been my refuge,
   a strong tower against the foe.
 ⁴ I long to dwell in your tent forever
   and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.^[b]
5 For you, God, have heard my vows;
   you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
 ⁶ Increase the days of the king’s life,
   his years for many generations.
⁷ May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;
   appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.
 ⁸ Then I will ever sing in praise of your name
   and fulfill my vows day after day.

2 POUNDS

So in my world of dropping my baggage, lately I have been tacking on new pieces while dropping off pounds! NOT GOOD!!! I am not only suppose to be letting go of my weight but also of emotional baggage!!
I had a weigh in today, first in three weeks, too much going on last week to go! And I found out I had lost 2lbs! Thats really great but I had wished for losing 4lbs so I could be under the 200 mark. I mean I am almost there, right at 201!!! I have lost a total of 44.5 lbs since August! Thats a great accomplishment for my health!!
Lately I have been losing my focus! I don't know why, sometimes I allow my emotions to determine what I eat, which is very bad when you eat to comfort yourself!!! Sometimes I allow others decisions to eat unhealthy encourage me to eat things I know I shouldn't!
I have worked out twice this week which is more than last week!! Now if I can just get myself up to three times a week!! I know that it would make such a difference!
While at the gym Tuesday night, it was on MTV's show "I Use To Be Fat" or some such nonsense. But the girl on there had a personal trainer, and I thought to myself, oh how lucky she is to have someone push her and help her to know what she needs to do for exercise. I wish I could find some personal trainer to take pity on my financial situation, and would help me workout!!!But alas I will stick with my workout dvds and the gym!
Right now I am at war with my body, it is trying to get sick.I know I have pushed it this week, with working both jobs and so little sleep. But I plan to rest up over the weekend, and next week I will only work one day at the bank. SO maybe that will help some more! We shall see....well thats whats been going on and through my mind. Hopefully in two weeks I will be at 199!!!

Not so good...

Well, Ladies and Gents, its time to kick myself into gear.
    I did so great last week with my exercising.
    This week however has been rough. I have been busy at work and also working my 2nd job so its not left me with allot of energy or time to work out. My goal I set last week w/ my doctor was to lose 3 lbs. and here it is Wednesday and I am sure I haven't lost anything.
     I am getting to another hump, where I struggle with not getting frustrated. Because I know I want to lose 30 more lbs. my mind is becoming overwhelmed with the work and dedication it will take to lose it. I have to not allow myself to get stuck into my destructive mindsets of saying, "why cant it be easier for me" "why cant i just be skinny without working at it like other girls i know!"
    I have to remind myself constantly, that while those girls may be skinny and not working at it now, it could very easily catch up with them as they get older. And I have to ask myself, even if they are skinny are they healthy?? And allot of times the answer is no, they may be thin, but are they giving their bodies the nutrients and vitamins it needs? are they giving it the exercise it needs?
     So instead of focusing on others, i have to take myself full circle and get myself focused back on what I need to do for me!!!
So I am going to take it day by day. Meal by Meal!!
My goal for today, cuz it is 1:46 am, is that I am going to hit the sack, get some sleep and work out when i wake up!! No Matter what!!!

ITS 2011!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
         OK so we are already a week into the New Year and I am just now blogging!! At least I am only a few days in between posts!!
          I had an awesome holiday and have gotten down to business with my New Year's resolutions!! I have worked out 3 days this week so far and have been sticking pretty close to my diet. I did break down and have some chocolate this week but I figure one time in one week isn't going to kill me!!
          My weigh in was today and I went there expecting the worse!! Right before Christmas I had gained .5, which in 5 months is the first time I hadn't lost or maintained at a weigh in. But my Doctor wasn't worried and said I could try and focus on losing it over the 2 weeks or just not worry and we would start a new. So, even with all my traveling and the wonderful Holiday meals, I lost the .5!!! I was so excited to see 203 on that scale!!!
          Losing this weight has been easy in some regards and a struggle in others. When I first started this program I had to deal with the critics about me "not eating a meal" and just having a protein shake. I had to calmly educate people about my program. And at one point, I think I did slip up and ask one critic if they had been to medical school and just never told me that they were licensed to give medical advice on how to lose weight.
            I have had to deal with the "stalling" weeks, where I didn't lose a single pound. I had to learn to appreciate that I could maintain my weight and not gain something. I love my doctor. She is such an encouragement and I think its awesome that she is from my hometown (which I didn't know until after our 2nd meeting).
              This journey of "dropping my baggage" which is about me losing my weight mainly but also the emotional baggage of being overweight. I have realized that what I see in the mirror isn't what others see at all. Now lately I have been looking at pictures of me over the last year, and I realize that I had really gotten out of control. When I look back I think back over what was going on in my life, why was I choosing food as my comfort. I still do that, and I know this will be a struggle for the rest of my life. But I have strength knowing that God will walk me through this and He can and will help me overcome this obstacle as long as I allow Him too.
             Anyways this has turned into one long blog. Gotta go! More to come, Hopefully I will have some time to upload pics of how I have been changing!!
Love you all!!!

One Day Closer

Well we are one day closer to the New Year! I have a lot of resolutions for 2011 and I am proud to say that this past year I have actually done some of the ones I made for myself. I have lost a total of 42 lbs!!! Didn't see that coming. I have been working out more, not as regularly as I want but that's part of my 2011 list!!!
So Here is what i hope to accomplish in 2011:

• Lose my last 35 lbs
• Be more committed to exercising
• Go to church on a regular basis
• find a bible study
• pay off a debt
• spend more time with my family
• declutter my life (and possibly my mom's house)

I hope this year you can accomplish your resolutions too!!!

Day 1

So I know its not realistic to start exercising this week of all weeks. I am going to visit some family on Thursday and wont be able to keep the routine going while there, but I decided I needed to at least work on three days this week. So I DID IT this morning!! Some Sizzling Salsa and some stretching!!!
I don't know why its so difficult to make yourself exercise. I think most people struggle with this, and for me its always hard for me to stay committed. I will do great for a while and then bam something interferes and I stop. Whats crazy is that I love exercising. I seriously enjoy working out. Yet I don't do it often enough!!! But hopefully that will change very soon. My sis, is going to let me borrow her Wii and Wii fit. Which I love working out with, its allot easier for me to do the yoga stuff on there. And it will give me some variety which I need since I am working out at home and 9 times out of 10 I get bored with what I am doing.

Well anyways day 2 of me keeping up with my blog. Gotta get showered and ready for this day!!!
Love to you all!
J