August 27th...7 whole months...

Preface - My thoughts are somewhat jumbled, I apologize and hope you can follow. Also, please ignore any spelling or grammatical errors.

Wow! Tomorrow it will have been 7 months since I last posted on here....Time for some brutal honesty! My last post I was weighing in at 201-202, here it is 7 months later and I am weighing at 212. I have gained 10 lbs back since leaving the Metabolic Medical Center.

There were several factors in going "rogue". I decided to switch over to Weight Watchers because I just couldn't deny myself fruit. So, I joined WW online, I would still be accountable for keeping an eye on what I ate & still weigh in once a week.  I thought that it would still keep me accountable especially since I didn't have time for the weekly meetings.
Well, WW lasted all of three months and really I think I only stuck to it for 2 months. Once I allowed fruits in, then I allowed myself starches (mainly wheat pasta, and brown rice) but after that it went down hill. Not down hill in the since that I went crazy but I was allowing myself too much freedom in what I was eating. Thus the 10lb weight gain.

Seven weeks ago, I got a nice wake up call, I couldn't get my bridesmaid dress completely zipped. I about panicked. What had I done?? I was so mad at myself. So, my sister Frannie told me about this app she downloaded on her phone and had been using. She had already lost 6 lbs. Its called myfitnesspal. It keeps up with your calories, water and exercise. Its pretty cool. I have been using it now for three weeks. Its definitely a cheaper route then WW, because several months ago, I decided I wasn't sinking money into WW when I wasn't using it. And the app is very easy to use and has a pretty big data base.

Anyways, I am now four weeks away and am really freaking cause I don't know that I have lost any weight. I have been watching what I eat and trying to get in at least 3 workouts a week but with me working 2 jobs some mornings I am just too tired!

What it all really boils down to is that I am tired...not just physically but emotionally. I am tired of this struggle with my weight. Craving food, trying to use it to fill me up instead of craving God and filling up on Him.
So much has happened in the last month, but from a heart wrenching event in a close friend's life, God has gotten my attention. I got angry at Him, screamed at Him, actually talked to Him more than I have in a long time. And am now running back to Him instead of away, filling myself with His words instead of food. I am back in the body of believers worshipping and learning about Him on Sundays. Everyday is a choice to put Him first, some days I fail and slip into my old ways. Relying on myself instead of Him, but I know that He is ever faithful and He is calling me to Him, and He has victory over Satan.
Below is Psalm 61 and most people know that this is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I hope it encourages you...

¹ Hear my cry, O God;
   listen to my prayer.
 ² From the ends of the earth I call to you,

   lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
³ For you have been my refuge,
   a strong tower against the foe.
 ⁴ I long to dwell in your tent forever
   and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.^[b]
5 For you, God, have heard my vows;
   you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
 ⁶ Increase the days of the king’s life,
   his years for many generations.
⁷ May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever;
   appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.
 ⁸ Then I will ever sing in praise of your name
   and fulfill my vows day after day.